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10/14/2004: "Contemplating my own self destruction."

"Fate smiles upon those who take their fate into their own hands."

Well fuck.

That makes sence to me, but at the same time leaves me with little hope. Odd how that happens.

Well I guess if I'm going to half ass this, then I'm going to damn well put my whole half-ass into it. Step one, ailenate myself from my friends. And I think I've gotten a good start on that by never really considering them my friends. And in my current angered and sleep deprived state, finishing off the kobs sounds like a damn good idea. Let's consider each one, shall we?

Mike Arbucko. Mike can fuck off. As long as I've know him, we've had some unjustified animosity, and by this point I've seen the kid bring with him nothing but akwardness and anger. So he can fuck off.

Brian Slavin. The kid seems to know me a bit, I don't know him tho. And something about his face...Some sorta puppy dog eye thing going on. I think best to keep him away from me, for his own better.

That Justin kid. I've never seen him before, but I've seen a bit, and I think a case of guilty by assoation will not be called unfair in this situation. Begone.

Ryan Truitt. Ah, here's a though one, for he is the only one who I would consider a friend, and a good one at that. Him alone I would not try to ailenate, however, he seems unhindered by those other ones. A rather neutral soul I find him to be. I'm fairly sure if I were begin some sort of crusade against the others, he wouldn't really care in the least. So, for him the cards shall fall as they may.

That takes care of them. If you fellows are content with being labeled as losers, then I wish you luck in your lives. I however strive for something else, so I cannot remain. Onto others. Let's go a bit farther...

Sheila. I appologise. You're a sweet girl, but your mind is amist in chaos. I wish you nothing but good fortune on your journey to, if not enlightenment, then at least rest. I'm sure you know I shall remain, but if you go elsewhere I shall not follow. Again, sorry.

Justin, Lauren, Cathrine, Sarah, and the others I only know thru Sheila. Sorry. I'll leave you alone now.

Goshenesse: done. Back to more local people.

Zach Pryce. Hey man, I just can't do it. No problems really, but it's not right. Later man.

Brian Romancheck, Bob Blanco, and Nick Longfellow. I thought perhaps with you folks I could be accepted, but you reject me again and again. So I'm just conceeding and leaving. Oh, and Nick, if you call me a faggot again, my hand is going to go around your neck, and I'm not going to let go. Just a little heads up.

Veronica, Zach, Ben, and other members of "the SUCK". I appologise to you as well. I realize that it's not my place, so I'm gonna try to back away from your affairs which I don't beling in anyway.

Tim Glover. You are either a genius or a complete idiot. I'm not going to try and call it from there, but I do hope you find who you really are, cause whatever you are surely isn't it. You yourself are to confused by what you're tring to be, which is proof that it can't be you. Find you, then other things may make sence.

Julain Hong. A good friend once, altho it seems clear you never were even that. You say you only were trying to piss me off. Well you did a really good job fignuts, now fuck the fuck off.

Rachel Zarrell. Of course. I belive the best thing is for you to hate me as much as you can. You're probally the worst thing that has ever happend to me, and from what I've seen, I'm sure you feel the same of I to you.

I belive that's all. I've been unknown and alone before, and damit I'll do it again. If it is to be my lot in life to always end up here, then let it be. I'll just go sleep and create a bitter view of the world, turning me into a bastard of an old man, who will live forever on hatred alone.

I'm going to go walk down past the railroad tracks a few times.

F*R*A*G: No meticulus studying crap. Just punch people. In the face.