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06/30/2005: "Shut up, KUPO!"

Back to the night shift again I suppose... But that's allright. This is the time that things look cooler, thoughts come to the keyboard, and music means more for some reason.

Fine, well until sunday it is.

Still don't wanna leave, still gonna, yadda yadda yadda.

And maybe I'm just a bit hammered from wearing a shirt I've never worn before today, but I wanna take this time to...uhh...appologize? Yeah, why not. Appologize to people for shit I've said that was mean or cold or whatever, even if I meant it in joking. Still sucks when that happens. I know I suck a lot. And...uh...does this sound a little like a suicide note? It's not, but still...I'd swear it almost sonds that way. But I really don't like being mean. I just am a lot. But at the same time, shame on y'all for not just smacking me to put me in my place and remind me I'm a nice guy. I'm too much of a pussy to fight back. You should know that by now.

Moving on...

[begin religious/philosophy rant]

So now, I'm thinking, cause that's what one does to leave the body when doing something they'd rather not be doing. The way I figure, god is only for people too dramatic to be able to accept that there's a scientific reason for everything. I mean, I'm fairly skeptical of science myself, and think it is a form of voodoo witchcraft, but it's a form with a lot more proof then other types. "Isn't it such a wonderful sunset God has given us today?" "It looks pretty, even tho it's made from the sun being so far and the chemicals we've put in the athmosphere and the light waves reflecting and..." "NO! FUCK YOU IT WAS GOD! ONLY GOD COULD BE SO FREAKING AWESOME!" Something like that. Of course, there's only so far as science can go, and considering that things are as they are, and having discovered how everything works and exists in such a detailed ballance, then I would join the godders in saying that yes, it would seem the universe had some master craftsman because the odds of existance existing as a coincidence is mindblowing. And once your mind is blown, then a man who sits in clouds and makes things does seem like absolute truth. But how about a compromise? Let's say there is a god, and he did make everything. But then he just let it go. And all the beautiful sunsets and landscapes and human kindness and stuff was an unplaned concequence. This way, we can agree there at least was a god involved at one point, but now we can enjoy the sunset here on the roof without bringing some intangible father figure into it, cause I find that ruins the mood every fucking time. And if I may go back to one more point, many would go by the maxim "Don't belive it until it's proven", but what if we go by the converse? "Belive it until it is disproven". Coincidence, god in all thing, god only once, we don't know. I say it's a lot like Schrodengers Cat. Until you open that box and look, it's alive and dead at the same time. It's not until you look that you can narrow it down to just one.

Also, if "can not" is "can't", then isn't "may not" "man't" (maint)?

...

If you haven't noticed cause you haven't been here or haven't cared or whatever, my blog posts seem to be getting farther apart and more boring. This is mainly cause the biggest things on my mind I've learned from experience are dangerous to share, and have gotten my ass in trouble time and time again in the past. Or at least thing involving it and somewhat like it. Mainly they have to do with me and Sheila, but I really don't want to discuss them either in type or in person or whatever. Me and her is me and her, stay the fuck out. You wanna ask me stuff, ask me about projects and remind me to do Computer Death Theather, and get the techie pinyata going so I can get this corner of my room cleaned out finally. But like I said, she take a majority of my thinking space, and not talking really limits discussion. Not that I was ever good at pulling things out of the air anyway. In any facet of life really. And you see, the reason I used to be able to go nightly with the posting is because I didn't have Sheila where I have here now, and so that was like a void to think about. Now that someone else is involved, I can't talk about it cause it's not just a lonley loser being emo and lonely. Now I'm only emo when I can use it to make good art/interpret music/piss people off. Being emo is a supprisingly useful skill to have in your resume. Also, I think I used to talk about like Citylights and stuff, and althought the search for why that's so importaint to me is still on in the background of my thoughts all the time, I think it's becoming a stale topic for me to talk about. Hmm...I guess I'll just have to find more topic to talk about...like...uhh...oh hell...well, I could put an overview of the entire Aloof storyline as I know it, but fight to keep it vauge enough to make you want to come back to read the actual comic as well when ever I post new ones.

And I still don't have it quite, but I figured they have to be conected by commin threads. Super Mario World (Star Road specifically), Mortal Kombat, Night at the Roxbury, the Citylights building, and somehow Third Eye Blind (3EB). I get the first 4: For Andrew's birthday once he had a sleep over and there was three of us playing those games and we watched that movie, and that was also the night I saw that awesome sunrise. kinda like a traumatic experience, but like a good one. However that works. As far as how 3EB ties in, I really can't think of anything except that the sogn Semi-Chramed Life was popular around that time, and I heard it on the radio a lot. But for somereason I tie that song in more with a gas stop at a station across from PS1 once. Plus, I think it was closer to when All Star by Smash Mouth was popular, cause I remember hearing that song on the radio at his house once, before the night in question. Maybe it was Jumper. Still don't have it quite pined. Maybe I should make a flow chart...

C.S.I. eat your heart out.

That remids me, I drew a Chocobo.

Then I drew LCom brandishing a gun at said chocobo and screaming "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THERE WOULD BE MOOGLES, SO NOW THE CUTE BIRD GETS CAPED!"

And I messed up on LCom, so only the chocobo pic will see the light of day again, but I drew them on seprate peices of paper and playing around with the papers gave me a weird idea I need to try out sooner or later.

...

I'm going to bed now.

F*R*A*G: Why did I touch it? Well, it was there, and I needed to get past.